Are you a sensitive person? I know I am. I’m actually super sensitive, and believe me when I tell you, all my senses are truly active. Even if that’s true in my case, I didn’t really know to which expend, till my early twenty’s. I knew that some of my experiences were different, but apart from those exceptions I always assumed that everyone was like me, and that we simply didn’t talk about it.
If you know what I mean, you know that this characteristic can be very powerful if it’s fine-tuned and used wisely. However if you are an empath, if you a very receptive, sensitive person and you are not aware of your heightened abilities, if you are not aware that the way you perceive, feel and see the world is intensified, it can become overwhelming and sometimes scary.
When we’re highly sensitive, it’s easy to pick up the energy, thoughts or and the mood of people around us. And even if you’re not highly sensitive, it’s important to create healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life. This way you’ll be less affected by behaviors, words and energy of people, including negative news.
I want to share with you few great techniques that will help you create healthy boundaries, and all in all boost your self-confidence.
How To Create Healthy Boundaries? How to be assertive and loving at the same time?
1. Set the intention, choose your thoughts and “root yourself within”, set your boundaries
Are you often wondering “How do I create clear, assertive boundaries but still be kind, loving and supportive?”
You will be surprise how small corrections, and small changes in your way of thinking can change your life. It’s very simple: set your intention with a clear goal in mind.
Next time, before you enter a room with people, enter your office or space where you know you might be at risk of being surrounded by negative, heavy, judgmental people that might push your boundaries, set your intention to center and prepare, protect yourself for any situation that might come your way. It’s up to you to create healthy boundaries.
Before you enter the room (in your mind) say:
“I set the intention right now to be loving, kind, forgiving and supportive. Wherever I go I share love, light and blessings.
I’m not going to give out my energy. I’m not going to get drained by other people negative thoughts, behaviors or attacks. I will not let my emotions take charge, I’m in charge of my emotions.
But also I will not take energy of other people, nor feel as they do, or be influenced in any negative way by how they feel. I am not going to take on the energy of others.
I’m strongly rooted within my divine being. I’m completely present in every passing moment. I experience every situation that take place with clarity and complete awareness.
I will not react, but I will respond.
I am present. I am love, I am light and I bring and share with all divine blessings. I am here, now. I am ready to face with grace and love, every situation that comes my way.”
( now take a beep breath, and go and do your thing. You are ready for any situation that will come your way. Feel it, believe it and trust it. :))) )
When you do not choose how you want to show up and be present in your own life, situations and people that surround you might have stronger impact on the way you behave, and the choices you make, than you think. Having someone who has very needy attitude, someone who loves manipulating others to get their way, or someone who has very negative approach to life can, if you are not careful, will influence not only how you feel. The more time you will spend together the more you might mirror their behavior.
In those situations it’s especially important that you pose for a moment and prepare. Do it everyday, as often as you need to, to root yourself within your goals. And make sure to do it especially if you know that you will have to meet challenging, negative people.
Use this newly gained supper power even if you are preparing for an online meeting, or just before having a phone call. It will bring the desired result. As long as you are about to connect with someone that has a power to bring negativity in you, do it and let it work for you. Ask for support and the support will be given.
Setting that intention when you need it will help you stay rooted and focused on your core values and goals. It will help you see the situations you are in, and peoples behaviors for what they are, not more. Especially with practice, you will be able to stay centered within yourself, and keep the power to respond instead of reacting.
This mantra is powerful, as it’s creates protective-transforming-uplifting invisible wall. It’s job is to protect you from negativity an to help you stay focused on what really matters. It doesn’t mean you are cold, distant or that you have a negative attitude. It just means that you’re saying, “You can’t change the way I feel (unless I let you).”
2. Remind yourself that what others do, or say says everything about them, and nothing about you
No matter what negative situation you find yourself in, whether it’s in your personal life or professional life, make sure to set your intentions first (“I set the intention right now to be loving, kind, forgiving and supportive. Wherever I go I share love, light and blessings... ). When you do, if for example you are experiencing verbal attacks, let’s say at work. Sometimes it might be confusing, and you actually might wonder if you didn’t do something to cause this. But most of the time, especially if you set your intentions right, if you only pay attention, you will be able to see each and every single situation for what they truly are. You will be able to see, that most likely the attacks your are experiencing, are not about you or what you have done. ( Unless you really caused the situation. Then you know that in order to heal it you need to own it. Do the right thing! Apologizes and do what you can to fix it, release the pain and heal the wound. Be the change you want to see!)
Fact is that in most cases, what others do or say has nothing to do with you. They words and behavior says a lot about how they feel and who they are, and nothing about you. With your intentions clearly set you will be able to see that there is no reason to defend your honor nor your actions. Trust yourself, trust your intuition and listen… Before you reply, take a deep breath (couple if you need to) and invite your soulful presence to come forward. Offer yourself the grace to respond instead of reacting.
3. At times saying ‘no’ can be the most loving answer
This is a tip that will help you establish boundaries by becoming more assertive and more comfortable saying “no”. “No” – to people that do not have your best interest at heart, and to situations that make you uncomfortable.
We all have our own issues around saying “no”. If we do not now, we might have had it in the past. Some of us are covering it up with saying “but, I like to help people”, “I like to be helpful”, “I love being there for others and help if I can”… Which might be true, but most likely there is a deeper reason why we are uncomfortable saying “no”, even when we really wan to. I used to be that person. I often used -“I loved to help people”, and “I was happy to help” – as much as those reasons, that I hide behind for years, were also partially true. The truth is that saying “no”, even just the idea of needing to face someone and say it out loud, used to paralyze me. Avoiding saying “no”, stopped as I knew that in reality, I wasn’t doing anyone any favors. Often, I simply was being used, and I was the one who let it happen. I behaved as if my time didn’t have that much of a value, “I was happy to help, and why not”, ” since I could do it, why shouldn’t I?!”… And as I showed up for everyone else, I wasn’t showing up for myself.
A lot of people who struggle with lack of assertiveness, are displaying people-pleasing behavior, and their self-worth is strongly connected to what others think of them. In those cases, what others think is more important than how they feel and what they think about themselves.
That wasn’t completely my case, but still… I also wasn’t my own priority back then.
Our job is to recognize that doing anything that’s out of alignment with our core values, beliefs and truths will not bring the desired results. It will not work. Once you come to accept this fact, you will realize that “no” is often the most loving answer.
Tweet: You can create healthy boundaries and be loving, supportive and assertive at the same time. @m_sunshine #assertive #leadership
No, it won’t be easy!
Especially if till now, you were generally a “yes” person, your “no’s” might be a difficult to say for you and they will be a surprise to many. You might feel as you are being tested. People, even your family and friends who love you, might put a fight. Those moments are your opportunities to test and practice using your newly found voice. To recognize that’s your newly found choice, and say “no” when it feels like the right thing to do.
Keep in mind that as you will regain your self-confidence, and as you change people might try to manipulate, and do whatever it takes to change your decisions. And if they will not succeed, with time they might not be interested to be part of your life anymore. Accept it, and let all that must take its place, take its place. Trust in the fact that when you truly follow your purpose, when you walk your path all is at the right time and in the right place. And you dear light need people around you who will support, love and uplift you. Make you shine and love your true presence. People who will love you for all you are, will be there for you when the time comes.
You are important. You are unique and you have unique gifts that no one else have. You matter, and you need to be your own priority. As
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”
WHEN DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE SAYING “NO”?
To make this practice work best, check yourself first. Make a list, with as many details as you want and need, of all the ways you might be avoiding saying “no”. Once done, make sure to clearly outline how it affects you and your everyday life. How does it affect your personal and your professional life? How does it impacts and changes your relationships with your family, your partner and your friends? How does it influence how you see yourself, your self-worth and your general happiness?
I prepared few questions for you to get you started:
- How often, and in which situations are you saying “yes”, when you really want to say “no”? But for whatever reason ,you don’t.
- Do you have people in your life who you feel that you “can’t or don’t know how” to say “no” to? If so, who? Why do you think that is? Ask yourself what do they represent?
- How does not saying “no” affect you and your life?
- How does this behavior affect your personal life? Your professional life?
- How does it affect the people involved?
- How would have saying “no” help you, and how would that help the people involved?
Did you do it? If not, make sure to do it now, and come back here when you are done.
Now that you have more clarity, the next step is to begin exercising your “no’s”. Use your list, whenever you will need that extra motivation and a clear reminder why you are on this path, and how it can help you. How making yourself your priority will also help and change lives of all the people you love and care about.
You are breaking out of your own pattern, and you are creating a new foundation, and it will require practice, love, commitment and strength. You do not need to do it perfectly, but you have to do it when you feel that’s that the right reply. You need to do it for yourself, and for others…. even when it feels scary, painful and awkward.
The more you honor yourself, the more you show up for yourself and use the power of saying “no”, the more you will help not only yourself, but also others. With time you will all benefit from it! it.
Get more guidance from my FREE eBook
Having a step by step guide to follow to start promoting your wellbeing can help you to start today. Those rituals with a good plan will help, and encourage you to make yourself a priority in your own life now.
When you are your own priority, it doesn’t mean that you are cold or selfish, it just means that you make sure that you are all you can be first. Taking care of yourself will not only help you but it will also help you create happy relationships, friendships, professional relationships and all while creating healthy boundaries. If that’s what you need and want, make sure to >>> get your copy.
When we take time to connect with our soulful purpose. When we strengthen our soul-body-mind connection. When we know what our core values are, and we learn how to love ourselves just as we are. When we heal our pain and face our fears… we become stronger, more loving, compassionate, assertive, and full of light. That’s when we shine, and share our blessings with joy, without fear or resentment.
If this speaks to you make sure to get my free eBook with 8 Powerful Daily Rituals with a cheasheet. I share my personal daily plan and guidelines on how to create your weekly GOALS plan and make it work for you + there is a tip on how to stay on track and stay motivated long term.
Get your freebie, adjust the Daily Ritual Plan as needed. Make sure that it’s supporting and helping you keeping track of all you want to achieve every day. Use it to reinforce your new positive, life changing habits.
>>> Get your free eBook <<<
Setting healthy loving boundaries and reinforcing your assertive behavior will help you stay positive, boost your self-worth and feel aligned with your core values. Your happiness will become the result not the goal of your actions. Most importantly, you have the courage to have a voice. You will be able to heal your relationships and create healthy, loving boundaries.
Thank you for being here with me today!
With so much love,
Marta
Stay connected!
Website: martahurtado.com | Facebook: Marta Hurtado Photography
Instagram: instagram.com/martahurtadophotography | Pinterest: pinterest.com/hurtadomarta/
Twitter: twitter.com/m_sunshine
